|My fertility healing story - August 2007
For over 5 years I had doubts I would ever conceive. Now I am feeling the little kicks of a baby inside!
It’s been ten years since my hormones first starting creating havoc. Before then I thought I was perfectly healthy; sometimes probably a bit smug in that. I ate anything I wanted and as a 23 year old I had the resilience to maintain general good health.
Then my menstrual cycle began going out of sync. I missed a month or so, and then two or three, until the gaps lengthened to a year, and at the most two. Suddenly I wasn’t the perfectly healthy person I thought I was. I was diagnosed with chronic Amenorrhoeah ( irregular menstrual cycles).
My healing journey would take me to times of confusion and despair as I searched for answers, but eventually I would emerge with wisdom I am grateful for.
Western methods of diagnosis provided few clues or concrete conclusions. I was neither over exercising nor under-eating. I could have started taking a hormonal cocktail right then, however that determined inner voice within sent me off searching for a deeper truth. I consulted experts from many fields. Roger and I went through a year of adoption process, but finally my system began to come back into balance.
So what did I discover on the way?
Here are my 10 recommendations for physical and emotional healing
1) Admit vulnerability and fears.
This doesn’t mean falling into a pit of self-pity. Although you will do this at times, you can learn to get out more quickly. I had to acknowledge the fear that I may not have children. I learnt about grief and how to really cry. What fears do you still need to acknowledge and move through? Whatever scares you the most can be your greatest teacher. Put on your healing warrior gear and act!
2) Work with others
Confronting the least comfortable feelings and physical issues with someone else as witness can also be challenging to start with. Being vulnerable with another person was a big ask for me, because I had to stop pretending that I could do it all myself, or that I had it sorted.
We are fortunate to have a wide spectrum of medical and complementary practitioners to support us. I see we are moving into an era of integrated medicine, where healing wisdom will be more blended between the east and west.
There is always more than enough advice and well-meaning opinions around when you’ve got something to fix. The decision of what to do and who to turn to for me, was governed by one question. ‘Will this person empower and honour me?’ Listening to your true heart and what feels right for you, becomes the defining art of the journey.
3) Heal old stories through forgiveness
Bitterness and resentment are at the core of many diseases and health problems. I believe that a large part of our healing as individuals and a race exists in our ability to acknowledge these scary places in ourselves. I ask clients whether a certain old story still has an emotional ‘hook’?
Do you shudder when you recall a memory or person. True healing requires looking at these stories and forgiving those involved and yourself. EFT is great for this. So is ‘The Journey’, kinesiology and other cellular memory healing processes.
In my fertility healing I confronted the ghosts of relationships where I treated myself and others unkindly. This journey has enabled me to visit these places with growing courage. I find the miracle in this forgiveness process, is that the more I forgive the more whole I feel and the more connected I feel to others.
4) Improve thought patterns
Repetitive negative thought patterns undermine healing and acidify the body. Learn to recognise them (mindfulness meditation works) and transform them to positive alternatives. The health of the body follows the health of the mind.
In my healing I saw how my body image and self-esteem were undermined by preferred standards of beauty. I heard the voices in my head that said I wasn’t beautiful. I realised that the dispersion of my physiological rhythm was related to my poor relationship with myself as a woman.
5) Listen to inspiring healing stories
Inspirational stories uplift and give you the power to go on.
I listened to women, who told me their own journeys and experiences with their fragile hormonal systems. I was humbled by the courage of those who wished for children and never conceived. Many were inspirational in how they transcended the bitterness and sense of failure. Some struggled for many years and then did conceive, and encouraged me onwards. Other powerful women friends had chosen to follow a path without children, often with clear spiritual aspirations as the motivation.
6) Balance hope with relinquishment
This has been the crux of my healing journey, and I believe all healing journeys. There exists simultaneously the maintenance of hope and the vision of what is possible, and at the same time the necessity to relinquish (let go of) expectations, desires and results. You desire something and don’t know if you’re going to get it. It’s a tough place to be at times!
Develop equanimity – being OK with how things are right now, but with the gentle intention to heal.
7) Grow faith and trust
So if we let go, what are we giving our heavy responsibilities to? The letting go process is a surrender that facilitates faith and initiates support beyond just me. This means different things for every person. What is the expression of divine support for you?
‘Letting go and letting God’ is a relief for me. It provides a sanctuary from needing to figure everything out ourselves. I have felt the back-up of this invisible support invaluable.
8) Learn to listen to the physical needs of your body.
After years of a mainly vegan, vegetarian and raw food diet, I found myself craving more protein. This meant meat, fish and eggs. I chose quality sources and cultivated gratitude for the medicinal gift of that food. I felt better and better once I let go of rigid ideas about how to eat.
Your ideal diet will be different from someone elses. The question is; do you feel intrinsically happy eating the food you eat. Does it energise you? If not, start exploring!
What are the main points with healthy food for healing?
Eat: Unprocessed whole-food, organic when possible, more greens and vegetables, fresh and some raw foods, healthy fats, less sugar and white flour. Drink: more water, less alcohol and less coffee. And most of all: enjoy your food… guilt-free!
Of course it’s not just about food. Enjoy heart pumping exercise regularly for pleasure.
Keep warm if you have a cool constitution. Give yourself healthy treats: take a bath if you need some nurturing, or have a massage (swap foot massages with a friend!)
9) Imagine yourself healed and invite everyone else to do the same
In the recent couple of years, when people used to ask me how it was going, I’d often say ‘just imagine me pregnant’. This was one way of saying ‘pray, but with the image of me already healed in mind’. This is always far more helpful than fearing the worst.
I am infinitely grateful for all of my friends and family who sent warm supportive thoughts in my direction
10) Develop patience
This journey has made me more understanding and more human. I found out there is no right way, just dealing with whatever is on your plate the best you can. Take it easy and know the path to wholeness is paved with patience.
What is the best thing about embracing your healing process with trust, rather than handing the authority over to professionals who you think may know better?
You grow, you evolve, and you bloom inside.
I now know more truly than ever before that I am a beautiful, powerful and unique woman, who has the ability to transcend adversity and separation.
10 years ago, and even five, I couldn’t have shared that with you.
P.S 2011 - I am now mum to two! Gabriel is 3 and Toby is 1 year old. What blessings.